Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
