i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
