im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
