And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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