He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
