Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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