so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
