theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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