We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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