Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
