My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
