i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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