Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
