i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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