I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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