I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
