I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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