Me. At least after what I've been through.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
