Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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