I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize