Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
