Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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