My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you never un-have a 4some
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
