i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
