So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
