so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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