He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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