in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
