Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
