before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
