I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
