I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
