I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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