i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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