Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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