the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
