Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
