She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
