I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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