just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
