I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
