I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She needs sedatives and a leash
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
