If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
