mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
