So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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