I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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