I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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