Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
did i walk over a car last night?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
