You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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