I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
