I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
