I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
