Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
