I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
