you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
