so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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