Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
