Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
