i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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