3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
