I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
