Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
