Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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