I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
