Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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