I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
