i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize