she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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