margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
