my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
