A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
