just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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