Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
