You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
