The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
