my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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