If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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