I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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