I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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