you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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