Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
