She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
