Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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