try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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