i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
