I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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